Joel Rendall

At first, when I saw the latest Facebook updates, the larger fonts made me feel more like I was part of a Fisher Price social network. But that was just on the surface, and we all know we should never judge a… website by its fonts.

I was sending a Facebook reply to someone at 2:09 in the morning (don’t judge my sleep habits – I just woke up a few hours ago), and the below screenshot is what I saw.

The logic behind this hurts my brain… maybe I need to go watch Back To The Future again and take notes.

Look at this image. This string has allegedly been formed using numbers and letters from our standard alphabet. RNK9? PWK9? FNK9? I’ve got the K9 part down pat, but the first half will require a few more brain cells…

How many times have you filled out a huge online form, and then get stuck at the end at the final step? Apparently, to prove I’m not a robot, I need to see an image of letters and numbers, and enter them in.

That would be fine and dandy, if what they presented me with was actually legible to a human. Perhaps I am less talented than the rest, because I NEVER get these things on the first try. It usually takes me about 5 or 6 before I’m presented with one that doesn’t look like a random spoonful of mangled alphabet soup.

Can’t we have our retina scanned or something? Anything that requires as little thinking as possible will be suitable for someone with the brain capacity equal to mine, or less.

I find much joy in the impressive, tomato-cutting mastery of my Forever Sharp knife… But today I didn’t appreciate its power quite as much, when I found it on an epic journey to the deepest core of my thumb.

Since going raw vegan almost 2 months ago, I have been eating about what seems like 20 times the amount of fruit and vegies of a normal human. Many a fruit slice, I’d been wondering when my hand-eye coordination would finally fail me. That day was today.

I consulted my on-staff doctor, (Google.com), and found a solution. I mixed together water sea salt (the only salt I had at hand… pun intended), and dabbed. Within a couple minutes, the gushing stopped.

So there’s my tip of the day – if you find yourself with an accidental cut, and don’t want to bleed (nothing against the emo teen population, of course), now you know the best way to make it stop.

Did you know it is actually a biological fact that until we are 25, our sleep cycle naturally prefers late nights and late mornings? I have always envied those who wake up early. Hell, for a day or two of my life, I fooled myself into thinking I could be one of those people.

For the first time in 7 years, I will not be on the payroll for the summer. I am going to do freelance web design, and other computer work full time. 

And most importantly – Does anyone know where I can find a cheap car with lots of drumkit space in the back?